Dark Lily
by kittysophy
Summary: Snape knows that dark times are about to come. There is only one person he wants to safe and he is eager to suceed.He comes up with a perfidious plan that might cost his life as well as Lily's
1. A lily,a prince and a stag

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

**Please note that English is not my mother tongue, I'm actually from germany, but trying my best not to make too many errors.  
**

"_Leave him ALONE!"_ Someone yelled and with a jolt in his stomach Severus recognized that voice. He would have recognized it any time, in any situation possible. Lily's voice. Suddenly Severus began to feel nervous. He didn't want Lily to see him in this situation. Brought to the ground from the boy who fancies her, the boy who every girl adores.

"_All right, Evans?" _Severus heard James ask. Anger boiled inside him at the sound of Jame's voice. He tried to sound mature and Severus detested this false-faced behavior. If there was one word that couldn't describe James Potter then it certainly was the word mature.

"_Leave him alone," _Lily said once more. Severus tried to move, but the Impediment Jinx hadn't worn off yet.

_What's he done to you?"_ Every single word coming out of Lily's mouth made Severus feel more uncomfortable. He had tried to avoid exactly this situation for 5 years. He was helpless, jinxed and she came to help him. He knew that she just meant to be nice, but all this was so highly embarrassing for him. After all, _he_ wanted to be the one protecting her, looking after her and be there for her, not the other way around.

"_Well," _James said, his voice sounding more mockingly this time. _"It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."_

At those words a rush of laughter went through the crowd. The only laugh Severus wasn't able to hear was Lily's and that cheered him up a little. At least Lily wasn't stupid enough to fall for James.

"_You think you're funny,"_ Lily said coldly. _"But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."_

If Severus mouth hadn't still been full of soap bubble, he would have laughed out triumphantly. This was the best revenge he would ever get.

"_I will if you go out with me, Evans,"_ James now spoke in his, what he thought, mature, deep voice. _"Go on...Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."_

Now Severus felt the Impediment Jinx wear off. It was the biggest relieve he had ever felt. Now he could get out of this miserable situation. As fast as possible he was inching toward his wand, while he finally spitted out the last soapsuds.

"_I wouldn't go out with you if it was the choice between you and the giant squid."_

These words gave Severus the strength to grab his wand. Lily did not like James Potter. Even better, she insulted him.

"_Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius said briskly, turning back to_ Severus. _"OY!"_

But Sirius' warning came way too late. Severus had already muttered the incarnation, he had invented himself under his breath, _"Sectumsepra"_.

_There was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of Jame's face, spattering his robes with blood. _Severus was fully content with himself. It was the first time he had tried the spell on a human being and it worked exactly how he had intended it to.

But Severus wasn't vigilant enough in this moment of pride. There was another flash of light and Severus found himself hanging upside down in the air. He could feel his robes falling over his head and became fully aware of what everybody, including Lily, could see now. He didn't have to think hard to know that he was wearing an ugly pair of graying underpants, all of his underwear looked like that. While the small crowd that had formed around him during the fight, roared with laughter, Peter, James and Sirius being the loudest, Severus tried to hold back tears of anger and embarrassment.

"_Let him down,"_ said Lily and Severus winced very quietly. Why did she have to see that, why?

And not entirely to Severus surprise, James said: "Certainly," and Severus fell down to the ground. He tried to straighten his robes, which were all tangled. He was at his feet relatively quickly, but of course Sirius was faster. _"Petrificus totalus,"_ he shouted and Severus felt the horrible sensation of being paralyzed instantly, keeling on the grass once more.

"_LEAVE HIM ALONE!"_ Lily shouted again and out of the corner of his eyes Severus could see how angry she was. Her whole face was flushed and her eyes had a glint of malice in them. She only became furious like that on very rare occasions, but Severus just loved her like this. Then she almost seemed like an entirely different Lily, one full of passion, anger and something dark that was hard to describe.

"_Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you,"_ James said and Severus thought instantly that James would regret it very deeply if he would only as much as make an attempt to hex Lily.

"_Take the curse off him, then!" _Lily insisted.

Severus could hear James sigh, but then mutter the countercurse. Finally Severus could clamber up to his feet again. Still though he had his wand ready.

"_There you go,"_ James said. _"you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"_

"Yeah,right..." Severus said and his voice sounded not at all like he wanted it to.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Lily asked and spun around to face Severus.

"Nothing Lily, I just...You know what, never mind?" Severus turned away and ran up all the way to the castle. The wind rushed in his ears. What in the world was he supposed to say to Lily after this incident? What did she expect from him? A thank you?

At least he had controlled his temper long enough to escape her. As sharp minded as he was, when facing Lily his brain just became numb and empty.

The castle was extremely cool after the nice warming sun outside. But Severus didn't mind. He made his way downstairs into the dungeons, right into the Slytherin common room. He needed time to think about how he could explain Lily why he sometimes acted like a jerk around her. He would have rather sorted out rotten flobberworms from good ones, that would have been the less horrible task.


	2. Alice and Lily

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything you recognize!**

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There was an explanation. Lily was very certain about that. There must be an explanation for his behavior. People don't just change like that. Or did they?

Alot went through Lily's mind while she was pretending to go through her Transfiguration notes, except the upcoming exam tomorrow. All she could think about was Severus' behavior towards her. Before she could start another train of thought, someone sat down in the chair right beside her.

"Oh, good, Transfiguration. I am so going to fail that exam. Mc Gonogall tells me constantly I am a danger to everyone in my Transfiguration class" A cheery voice said.

Lily turned around and saw her best friend Alice Miller sitting there. Round faced and smiling, as always. Lily wanted to say something to her, but the words got stuck in her throat.

"Are you alright, Lil?" Alice eyed her best friend worriedly. She had the knack to know exactly when somebody had a problem or was in love or anything else. Nobody could hide any emotion from her.

"Yes," Lily said, but then reconsidered. Alice would find out anyway. "Actually no. It's-" Lily took a deep breath and then lowered her voice, so that James, Sirius, Remus and Lupin, who sat just two tables, away wouldn't hear her. "It's about Sev."

"Again?" Alice asked and tried to repress rolling with her eyes. "Lil, give it up, you aren't really friends anymore. At least you shouldn't. He is evil."

"He is not Alice, really not. He can be so kind and sometimes even funny."

"I've heard that plenty of times Lil. But what's really the matter? I mean something must have happened."

"How do you do that?" Lily asked astounded.

"Do what?" Alice asked back.

"It's like you know everything."

"Well maybe that's the reason why I'm so good in Divination." Alice laughed heartily, everybody knew that she detested Divination, and Lily joined in. No matter how depressed a person was, when one heard Alice laugh they had to laugh too.

"But seriously now, tell Auntie Alice what happened."

"James and his gang hexed Sev today," Lily began, looking down at her fingernails, her hands were slightly shaking.

"So? They do that constantly."

"I know, but I can't stand it anymore. Sev doesn't deserve it. Well, never mind. So they were hexing him and I came to help and told James to leave Sev be."

"And he did it, did he?" Alice asked not even expecting an answer. She knew it anyway.

"Yes,he did. But then Sev didn't even say thank you or basically anything to me."

"What did you expect Lil,seriously?" Alice gave her best friend a sympathetic look.

"I just want it to be like before. Before we came to Hogwarts, before he met...you know-"

Lily hushed her voice even more. "he met Avery and Mulciber and everyone."

"I know you do." Alice put an arm around Lily's shoulders. "But you aren't kids anymore."

Lily nodded, a single tear streamed down her face. She looked out of the window, closest to her. The night sky was sprinkled with stars. Lily quickly looked at the brightest and wished herself back to simpler times.

"It's just, you know, I can't imagine that a person can change that drastically.

"Well, I suppose he always had this kind of dark side in him." Alice considered. "In fact, I think all of us. No one is just full of light and eternally good, everybody has a dark spot. And he is just-, just really emerged in it.

Lily nodded again, suprised by the wise words of her friend, and now she couldn't hold the streams of tears back anymore.

"If it he is really that important to you," Alice said, feeling bad for Lily. "then why don't you talk to him in the summer. Away from school, away from Potter and, more important, away from Avery and Mulciber."

Still Lily just nodded. She thought that Alice's idea was brilliant, but for some reason she couldn't stop crying.

"Hey Evans, why so sad? Do you regret rejecting me earlier." James threw himself in the chair in Lily's right.

"Potter, you are the last person in this castle she wants to talk to now." Alice spat at James.

"Oh, Miller, I wouldn't say that. I know Evans likes me very much."

Lily sniffed and then caught her voice, as she spoke it sounded strong and not whiney at all. "I do not, Potter. I wouldn't even go out with you if hell froze over." Lily stood up and ran up the stairs to her dormitory as fast as she could.

"Girls! They'll bring us in our grave," Sirius sighed and let then out a barking laughter, while James still sat there,taken aback and looking at the point where Lily's red, hair had vanished around the corner of the steps.


	3. Quite the hero

**Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Harry Potter or anything you recognize**

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Steam rose from the Scarlet train engine. It builded a thick fog which made it impossible to spot anybody on the small platform, which was crowded with too many people anyway. Still Severus tried to catch a glimpse of red hair. Once he thought he had spotted Lily through all the students, but then it was just a seventh-year Ravenclaw, who had red hair also, but, of course, not as pretty as Lily's.

Severus stood on tiptoes now looking through the crowd, but it was impossible to find a particular person in this swarm of black robed students. Suddenly something hit Severus hard in the back, he stumbled forwards and almost fell into a group of second-years.

When he turned around, ready to yell at the stupid person attacking him, he saw Avery and Mulciber, his fellow classmates.

"Snape, whate are you looking for?"

"Me?" Severus replied. "For nothing."

"So, it's normal you're standing on your toes all the time." Avery stated dryly.

"No, of course not. I was just-" Mulciber interrupted Severus. "Never mind what you were doing. We need to find a quiet compartement together. Avery has some nice summer plans and you need to join."

Severus' mind drifted off by the word summer. All he wanted to do this summer was read books, study for school and to make up with Lily for avoiding her in school entirely. Better yet he wanted to do all three things together. Lily was so beautiful when she concentrated on reading, her long red hair would fall in her face then and she would impatiently push it back, her emerald eyes would have this seriousness in them that Severus absolutely adored. Well, basically he adored everything about her.

"What kind of summer plans?" Severus asked finally, bringing his mind back to the platform in Hogsmeade.

"_Special _summer plans." Avery said with a whimsical smile.

"Let's put it like this," Mulciber added. "We are young, we have wands and Avery's father wants us to stay at their place for two weeks. And we won't be the only guest."

"Who else is coming," Severus said, not sounding interested at all.

The crowd pushed forward now, as the doors of the train opened. The three boys got separated and Avery yelled: "Just get us a compartement Snape!"

Severus sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was hang out at the Avery's mansion. He would come there with no approriate clothes at all, having not learned proper manners ever in his life. They'd probably all laugh at him and talk behind his back. It would be like in school all over again, just without stupid Potter and his friends –and without Lily.

"Potter, stop it," a girl's voice yelled, very close to Severus.

"Ah, Evans I can't do anything. The crowd is pushing me right at you, must be a sign."

Severus turned his head around, to see James embracing Lily from behind. Stupid git. Why did he had to be so annoying. And why did he need to be in love with the girl Severus wanted to be with so badly. But then Severus saw his chance in the whole situation. Quickly he pulled out his wand and yelled: "Leave her be Potter or I'll turn you into a slimeball, because that's what you are." James looked at Severus like he had never seen him before and Severus wondered too, if he had really said the words that had just escaped his mouth.

"Very funny Snivellus. But you'd better turn me into a bottle of shampoo, so you can finally wash your hair."

The sudden urge came up in Severus to tackle James down to the ground and solve this problem with fists, but he knew he'd lose that way.

"I'm just telling you to let go of Lily," Severus said as calmly as it was possible for him.

"Actually I think that Evans here enjoys it very much."

Severus couldn't stand it anymore. In his mind he thought _Levicorpus_, not being sure if it would work, but right that moment there was a bang, a flash of light and James hung upside down in the air. Almost all the people close by looked up and laughed loudly. But Severus didn't feel superior and he didn't even feel joy for making fun of his worst enemy. He simply looked over to Lily, who couldn't help but beam at him and mouth a thank you.

"What's going on here?" a booming voice asked and Hagrid, the gamekeeper of Hogwarts, made his way through the crowd. When he saw James dangling in the air, he chuckled quietly and picked him out of the air as if he was just a huge apple hanging from a tree. "Gettin' some of your own bitter medicine, are you?" Hagrid asked him, still chuckling. "Well, you kids stop hexing each other or I'll get Professor Mc Gonogall," Hagrid added, trying to sound authoritarian.

The crowd pushed further and Severus stepped onto the train, in his mind still the picture of Lily beaming at him. It had been a spectacular smile just for him.


	4. The spot in the woods

**Disclaimer: Everything you recognize still belongs to J.K.R. **

**Authors Note: I want to thank LunaFireJuggler for the one lonely review I got(hint-I want more (: ) and of course everybody else who is just reading this. All of you are very appreciated!  
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Dust rose everytime Lily made a step. Rising up in little clouds it settled down onto her feet. It was barely noon, but the sun was burning down on everything already. After a while of walking Lily finally came to the little grove, where the trees gave some nice, cooling shades. The sound of the water coming from the little creek gave further the imperssion to be far away from the heat in the neighbourhood. At the spot where Lily wanted to settle down with her blanket, was already a person sitting on the ground. Skinny, pale, with greasy, black hair as usual that fell in his face, and dressed almost entirely in black clothes too big for him and too hot for that weather. It was, of course, none other than Severus Snape and, of course, he was reading a book.

"Hey there," Lily said quietly and spread the blanket onto the ground.

Severus lifted his head and looked at Lily as if he hadn't heard her coming. Maybe he really hadn't, when he was reading a book he was totally absorbed in it.

"Lily," Severus said softly. "You really came."

"Well, it's not like you invited me or anything. But there wasn't any other place you would be," Lily chuckled. "Come join me on the blanket. The ground is so incredibly dirty and dusty."

"Thanks." Severus moved akwardly onto the blanket, trying not to get to close to Lily.

"So, what are we reading?" Lily asked cheerfully.

"A book."

"Great, Severus. I'm actually not that dense..."

"You didn't come to ask me what I'm reading, did you?"

"No, but you know that we _need_ to talk, if we want to stay friends." All the cheerfullness in Lily's voice was suddenly gone completely. She looked at Severus and wished she knew what he was thinking.

"We are still friends?" Snape asked insecurely.

"I hope so," Lily replied, picking up a leave from the ground and ripping it to little shreds.

"You always do that," Severus stated with the hint of a smile.

"What?" Lily asked absentmindedly.

"This nervous thing, where you rip leaves apart."

Lily chuckled again. Severus knew her so well and that felt so good.

"I guess I do," she admitted.

"So, what is it that we need to talk about?"

"Obvious, isn't it Sev?!" She hadn't called him that in a long time and it felt good, almost like eating something one had loved as a child and tasting the familiar flavour after a long time.

"Not to me," Severus said trying to avoid Lily's intense gaze.

"Mh, maybe about how you've been ignoring me ever since I told Potter to stop bullying you." Lily's voice was upset now. She had the feeling that Severus just pretended that he didn't know what she wanted to talk about.

"Well-" Snape started, but then paused.

"You don't know yourself do you?"

Severus nodded, but inside he knew perfectly well why he had been avoiding her. He just couldn't bear the shame.

"So, let me take a guess then," Lily continued in a fast, angry voice. "Regarding who you hang around with, I take it that you are ashamed," she paused a little and then continued with a trace of sadness in her voice. "of me."

"Ashamed of you?" Severus said suddenly. "Why would I be ashamed of you, ever. What is there to be ashamed of."

"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm playing at." Lily spoke herself in a rage now, she could feel her cheeks turn pink.

"I really don't know what you are playing at. You are a kind, beautiful person and there is nothing to be ashamed of."

Lily opened her mouth but then closed it again quickly thinking the words she had just heard through. "Did you say I was beautiful?" She asked the question with a very soft, almost astounded voice.

Now Severus cheeks turned pink too. "Well, yes you are. That's a fact everybody at school knows."

"Why are we even fighting, Sev?" Lily asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know Lily. I'd rather not fight with you."

"Me either. I want to be friends with you again, but I'm afraid."

"Afraid? Afraid of what?" Severus asked.

"About the people you hang out with. One day it's going to come down to the fact that you have to decide Severus. Them or me." Tears slid down Lily's cheek now and Severus gently wiped one away with trembling fingers. The touch of his fingers gave Lily goosebumps all over her arm.

"Even if I had to decide, Lilykins, I would always, always choose you."

"Promise?" Lily asked, looking straight into Severus dark eyes.

"Promise!"


	5. At the Avery's

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„Severus, would you care for more potatoes?"

"Oh, no thanks Mrs. Avery, I'm good." Severus said, quickly swallowing everything he had in his mouth, half of it unchewed.

He sat at the big Dinner table at the Avery's Mansion and he felt completely out of place. His classmates, Charles Avery and Nicholas Mulciber, seemed to belong at this table, dressed in fancy muggle clothes, shirts and black pants, but Severus, with the old, big shirt he had stolen from his father's closet, didn't fit in the crowd at all.

"Now, Snape," Mr. Avery adressed Severus, after taking a huge gulp of wine. " my son tells me so many good things of you. How you are very talented in many different things."

"Well, Sir, I am very eager to learn new things." Severus said rather stiffly.

"So what is it you are best at?"

"I'm very advanced at potions and also..."

"Ugh, Snape stop your pathetic modesty," Charles said with a false disgust in his voice. "Father, Snape is really good in inventing spells. Dark spells that is. He knows everything about the Dark Arts there is to know."

Severus blushed. He now had the attention of the whole table, including Lucius Malfoy and his wife as well as Bellatrix Lestrange and her husband. All of them stared at him, with curiosity and a kind of hunger in their eyes.

"I see," Mr. Avery said, absentmindedly rubbing his right arm. Severus knew what was hidden there under the sleeve, black and ugly, the Dark Mark.

"I always told you Avery that Snape here is very talented, exactly the type _he_ is looking for," Malfoy added.

"I wonder when Wally is finally serving the dessert. I told him ages ago," interrupted Mrs. Avery. She was a very tall and lean witch with beautiful blond hair, which Severus supposed was not her natural color. Overall she looked so very well groomed that Severus would think of her more as a supporting wife, not wearing the Dark Mark. She would stay at home and command the house-elve around, while her husband fulfilled the Dark Lord's orders. He took Malfoy's wife, Narcissa, for the same type, but Bellatrix Lestrange was for sure one of the Dark Lord's loyal servants. Her long, black hair gave her a dark aura anyway, but she also had a wild, hungry and death coveting look in her eyes, which made her even scarier. Severus did not like her from the first moment he saw her.

The dessert came and everybody at the table participated in the muted conversation except Severus. He sat there and poked around in his delicious looking white chocolate mousse and thought about Lily and how she'd hate him for being here. Right now she was in France with her family, so she wouldn't wonder where he could be. But what if she still found out. He couldn't risk their new, fragile friendship again, just because of some stupid people who promised him a magnificent future.

Suddenly a voice said his name. "Severus, why don't you go with Charles and Nicholas, they'll show you around."

Severus followed his two classmates obediently. As soon as they had left the dining hall, both of them started in an agitated conversation.

"Wouldn't it be so awesome to be part of all this. I mean it's an easy job, anybody can do it. And of course you get tons of Galleons too, I mean every Muggle house they go in, they take everything valuable with them," Nicholas told Severus.

"I don't care about the money. My family has enough," Avery said in an arrogant voice. "But look at the prestige of it. We are going to be working for the soon most powerful man of the wizarding world in Britain. And we'll be part of cleaning this world from the Muggle smut."

Severus stayed silent. He was too emerged in his thoughts, to tell his opinion about becoming a deatheater. But the word _Muggle smut_ had given him a thought, a freightning thought. Lily. Lily was a muggle, she was, even though she was a witch now, a good witch, but she was muggle born and there would be now merci for her if the Dark Lord would gain more and more power.

"So, over there is the library, not particulary interesting. That's my room, at the end of the corridor, and there on the right are the two guest rooms, got it?" Avery said in a fast and bored voice.

"Did you say library?" Severus asked curiously.

"Yeah, why? You wanna go study now?"

"No, no...I just wondered..." Severus voice trailed off and he eyed the library door, as if it was the solution to all his problems.


	6. The last sunset

**Disclaimer: I don't own a tiny bit of what you recognize**

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They were finally back at Hogwarts, sitting in the grass, while the sun was slowly setting, turning the sky into a thousand shades of pink, orange and red, and every single window of the castle seemed to be on fire too. And both of them sat in the grass now, Lily watching the magnificent sunset and Severus reading. Everything was so quiet that sometimes Lily could hear the giant squid splash with one of his tentacles.

"Sev?" Lily asked quietly.

"Mhm?" He mumbled, not even looking up from the old book he was reading.

"Do you sometimes wonder what is going to happen with us. I mean when we are out of school." Lily nudged her friend a little in the side so he would answer.

"You mean us, as in us together or us individually?"

"Mh, I don't know. Both."

"Well, I never took Divination Lilykins, but I could make a pretty decent prophecy."

"Then go right ahead Sev," Lily giggled and hoisted herself up onto her knees.

"You are going to be number one healer in St. Mungos and I'm going to work there too," Severus made a dramatic pause and then said. "as a pitiful little potions maker hidden from everybody."

Lily broke out in laughter and Severus joined her. It felt wonderful to Lily to be able to laugh with her best friend again. He seemed more happy than he'd ever been.

"I didn't know you had such good humor, Sev," Lily gasped, still trying to catch her breath from laughing.

"I'm trying," Severus said modest and turned to his book again.

"What is it that you are reading, Sev? Please tell me now," Lily begged, inching closer to Severus.

"You are such an impatient child," Severus said, shaking his head. "I told you three times that it is just an old book I found in my mother's bookshelf. Nothing particular exciting."

"Why are you reading it then every chance you get?"

"Because, suprise,suprise, I just like to read."

"But it actually bores me to death when you are reading all the time and I have nobody to watch the beautiful sunset with."

"It's so corny that you love sunsets."

"I know," Lily admitted. "But I just do. So please watch it with me, before everything is over."

"Alright, alright. If you wish so." Severus started to stare into the sky.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Lily asked quietly, coming even closer to Severus. She was so close now that she could feel his skinny body under his robes, next to hers. Also, she could smell the herbs he always smelled like. Herbs that they used in potions all the time. It smelled wonderfully familiar to Lily.

Lily watched the sunset, she took the whole situation in, as if it was the last time she would see the castle like that. Then a sudden thought occured her. What if she'd never get another chance to sit here with her best friend like that. What if something terrible would break them apart. She couldn't help but tell Severus.

"Sev, I'm afraid," she whispered into his robes.

"Why Lilykins?" he asked, stroking her hair carefully. Lily could feels his fingers tremble.

"Now we are safe. You and me and everybody we know. We are safe while Dumbledore protects us here at school. But soon-" Her voice broke off and it took a couple of seconds till she spoke again. "I mean soon we gonna be out of school and we have to face the real word. Face _him_ and what he is doing. There is will be war, Sev. I know there will be."

Severus sighed. Still with trembling fingers he know stroked Lily's back. "Don't worry Lily. There will be a way to stay safe."

"How do you know?" Lily looked up at him now, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Because I am going to do anything to keep you safe." There was no hesitation or doubt in Severus voice. Lily looked him straight in the eyes, his face was so close to hers now that she could see the tiny brown spots in his eyes. She never knew that they weren't completely dark.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You are welcome," Severus replied as softly as Lily had thanked him. While he spoke she could feel his warm breath on her skin. His lips looked so soft. Lily wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. She closed her eyes, ready to try it. And now she could feel him moving closer to her too. Their lips almost touched as- "Snape and Evans, why in the world are you outside in the darkness?!"

Professor McGonogall stood in front of them, looking very upset.

"Sorry Professor," Lily said immediately. "We just watched the sunset and didn't notice it getting dark."

"I see," Professor McGonogall said not at all convinced. "I hope next time you return to the castle before twilight." She gave Severus and Lily a very disapproving glance.

"Of course, Professor," Lily replied.

"So? What are you waiting for? Up to the castle with you two."

The two of them clambered on their feet and went up to the castle as fast as they could.

In the entrance hall they gave each other a secretive look.

"Good Night Sev. Sleep well," Lily said quietly.

"Good Night Lilykins. Sweet dreams," Severus replied.

When Lily went to bed that night she wondered why she felt a flutter in her stomach. After all, Severus was just a friend.


	7. Bright Lily

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She had almost kissed him. He had almost kissed her. Severus had to tell himself about a dozen times before he went to bed. It was incredible. Maybe Lily liked him more than he'd thought she did.

This night it was hard for Severus to fall asleep. He was just too excited, about everything what had happened, but he also thought about the plan. The plan to protect Lily from all evil. Soon he needed to bring the plan into action. Two years were left, only two and then everything needed to be done. Quickly Severus grabbed around under his pillow. Yes, it was still there, the book. The book he had actually stolen from the Avery's library. He just hoped nobody would realize. Stroking the book, as if it was Lily's hair, he fell into an uneasy sleep.

_It was dark. He was dark. The darkness surrounded him and he himself had it in him. And Lily was there with him, but she was light. A bright light. And then Lily cried and her tears fell to the ground and every teardrop turned the darkness away. She cried until he wasn't dark anymore. She cried until all the darkness was gone._

Cold sweat ran down Severus' back when he woke up from that dream. Deep inside he new what it meant, but he didn't want to admit it to himself. He turned around, closing his eyes again and fell into a deep slumber. And now he dreamed about him and Lily sitting at the lake together watching the sunset.

When Severus woke up the following morning he didn't even remember the first dream he had. He was happier than he had ever been. Lily liked him, really liked him.

This morning he was the first one to be dressed and he rushed down into the Great Hall, hoping he'd see her at breakfast. When he came into the Great Hall, which was full of chattering students, he looked desperately for her red hair. And today she succeded. She sat at the Gryffindor table, of course, next to her friend, Alice Miller. They both giggled and Lily always looked to a boy at the Ravenclaw table, Frank Longbottom, who was Headboy. Severus felt a rush of jealousy coming at him, but it went away quickly, because as soon as Lily had caught sight of him, she gave him a magnificient smile and waved happily. Severus waved back rather shyly, his cheeks turned pink. Lily was so gorgeous and beuatiful that he sometimes wondered what she saw in him. But the more confident part in him already protested against this thought and said that after all, he was clever, mature and to have a real conversation.

While Severus maunderd over to the Slytherin table, he didn't realize that two boys at the Gryffindor table had drawn their wands. With a splash something hit Severus at the cheek. It felt gooey and ran down his face. But before he could wipe it away something else had hit him, something mushy. He touched his cheek and saw porridge and eggyolk on his fingers. I tripped down his robes all the way and trickeld down to the ground, buidling a puddle on his shoes. Severus turned around angrily, the laughter from all the students who had watched it happen, ringing in his ears. Wand at the ready Severus stormed back to the Gryffindor table, where James and Sirius roared with laughter, but stopped when he looked at Lily. She just shook her head softly and that calmed Severus down. She was right, they weren't even worth it. So he just turned the wand to his face and robes, muttered _Scourgify_ to siphon everything off and then went back to the Slytherin table.

"Enjoyed your breakfast, Snivelly?" James hollered through the hall.

Severus simply ignored him. He didn't want to get in trouble with them anymore. There were higher things to do, more important things.

After breakfast Severus went down the familiar way to the dungeons. A small group of students was already there, including James, Sirius and Lily. However Lily stood far away from James and Sirius, shooting angry glares at them. Severus' heart leapt. She hated James, she liked him. The world couldn't get any better.

"Sev, there you are," Lily beamed at him.

"Hey Lily, how are you?"

"Annoyed," Lily replied matter-of-factly. "Potter and Black are the most ignorant and stupid gits I've ever met. It was so childish of them to throw food at you."

"Never mind that," Severus said, hoping to sound mature. "What do you think is Slughorn going to do with us today?"

"Well, he told me what start with the Amotentia soon. That'll be so exctiting don't you think?" Lily asked enthusastically.

"It's not an easy potion that's for sure, but basically you just have to wait a lot. A lot of stewing and maturing you know."

"Sev?"

"Mhm," Severus muttered absentmindedly. He was trying to watch Jame's reaction of him speaking with Lily. And what he could see out of the corner of his eyes, was very amusing. James seemed to be upset, poorly trying to hide it.

"You want to be my partner, making that potion?" Lily asked hopefully.

"I'd love to," Severus replied happily. The flutter in his stomach grew bigger. Lily wanted him to be her partner, well potions partner that was, but better than nothing. "But I don't think Slughorn will allow it. He seperated us through all those years."

"I'll convince him," Lily said confidently.

Of course Lily was able to convince Professor Slughorn and so the two of them worked together and Severus thought that they were a perfect match.

After potions though Severus did not leave the classroom with Lily, even though she asked him to. He stayed behind. He needed Professor Slughorn to do him a favor. It was important. It was part of the big plan.


	8. Out in the snow

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Tiny snowflakes fell from the ground and settled down in Lily's hair, where they glistened for a second or two and then melted. The grounds of Hogwarts were covered in a thick blanket of snow. Hagrid had shoveled some of it away, just two days ago, but it all came back.

"Se-hev, where are you?" Lily said to herself, jumping from one leg to the other. Severus was never to late, never. But now she had already waited about 15 minutes and he was still not coming. It was their last chance to see each other before Lily would take the train home to her parents for Christmas.

Finally, a skinny boy in a black coat rushed down the frontsteps, in his gloved hands two bottle os butterbeer.

"There you are Severus Snape," Lily said in a fake strict voice. "You shouldn't let a lady wait. Didn't your mummy taught you that?"

"I'm truly sorry," Severus said breathlessly. "But I got us hot butterbeer." He gave Lily a bottle.

"You are quite the big spender," Lily chuckled opening her bottle.

"Why?"

"Because lately you are always giving me butterbeer or pumpkin juice. Do I look thirsty all the time?" Lily laughed.

"Well, it's healthy to drink a lot," Severus said defensive.

"Sometimes you are really an oddball Sev," Lily declared, still chuckling. "So, here's to you." She opened her bottle of butterbeer and gulped it down quickly.

"That was good. It's so chilly out here."

"Yeah, Lilykins, it's winter, there's snow on the ground. Of course it is _chilly_."

"Don't mock me," Lily said, pretending to be offended by what Severus had said.

"Are we still going on our walk though?" Severus asked, looking at Lily with raised eyebrows. "Even though it's _chilly_."

Lily shook her head chuckling. "It's a pain and a pleasure to be with you. How is that possible."

"Well," Severus started walking. "Everything has two sides, you know. That's just the way it is."

"I'd rather have you being a pleasure all the time."

"No, you don't," Severus teased Lily. "You like it when I make a little fun of you, don't you."

"You are obnoxious Sev. But I like that." Carefully she took Severus' empty hand in hers. Severus looked down at their entwined fingers, as if he couldn't believe Lily had truly done that. He smiled at her inscurely.

"I'm going to miss you like crazy over Christmas, Sev." Lily gently pressed his hand.

"I'll miss you too Lilykins. But it's just two weeks."

"I know," Lily said sadly. Something more seemed to worry her than leaving her best friend. "Did you read the _Daily Prophet _today?"

"Not yet, why?"

"_They_ killed a Muggle family. An entire family, without any reason at all. It's happening more and more often."

"I know," Severus said, looking at the ground.

"You can't tell me that you are not worried, Sev."

"I am worried. Maybe more than anyone else in the entire country. I could loose my best friend."

Lily stopped and looked at him. "I didn't know that this is your biggest fear."

"Of course it is. You are important to me. The friendship with you is the best thing that ever happened to me."

And then, without thinking about it, Lily hugged Severus like she had never hugged him before. She slung her arms around his neck, as if she'd be drowning without holding on to him. Severus closed her tightly into his arms and so they stood there for a long time.

After a while Lily lifted her head up. There it was again, the urge to kiss him, her best friend.

"Sev," she said, her lips trembling slightly. "Give me a kiss good-bye, please."

Severus looked at her for a few seconds in disbelief. But then he looked at her lovingly.

Lily closed her eyes, feeling her best friend's lips so closed to hers now. His warm breath made her skin tingle. When his lips finally touched hers, Lily knew that she hadn't made the wrong decision. His lips felt exactly like she had imagined, soft and warm. Even though Lily was pretty certain that Severus had never kissed a girl before, the kiss felt incredibly good. One thing was for sure, he wasn't a bad kisser at all.

They broke apart after what felt to Lily like ages and just a few seconds at once.

"I guess that is good-bye then," Severus said quietly.

Lily nodded, holding back tears. She didn't want to leave. Leaving Severus would mean leaving the secure feeling behind, she had around him.

"Come on Lilykins. I'll bring you up to Gryffindor tower." Severus laid an arm around Lily's waist and that way they went up to the castle. Together.


	9. News from the Lord

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Silence surrounded Severus. He sat in the Slytherin common room in a green armchair, directly in front of the fireplace. He was the only who had stayed for christmas. But now the holidays were over and all the students would return to the castle. Lily would return to the castle.

A while back thinking of Lily had always been a pleasure, but there still were doubts behind his feelings. He never knew if anything he imgained would ever come true.

Thinking of Lily now was just one thing: Pure bliss! Just thinking about how her lips had felt against his, made him feel warm inside. And tomorrow she would be back already.

Severus moved his fingers over the red cover of the book, laying in his lap. It had a big dragon on it and in ornamental letters was the title _Ancient Asian Potions_. It was the christmas gift he'd got from Lily. Severus had read the book as soon as he had unwrapped it, but the true gift, were the words Lily had written inside: _"For Sev. So you can enlighten your horizon even more."_ He traced the words with his fingers now. She made the _g_ in a very special way. It was Lily's _g_.

"Oy, Snape. You are here." A booming voice called from the other end of the dungeon.

Severus spun around fast to see who was talking to him. It was Avery, dressed in his fancy, black coat.

"You are early," Snape said and turned back to stare into the fire again.

"Yeah, because I have news to tell you. Away from prying ears."

"News?"

"Amazing news Snape. Just wait till you here it." Avery took his coat off and tossed it onto an empty armchair. Then he settled down next to Severus.

"So what is the news?" Severus asked rather bored.

"Well, father talked to me. He told me that he and Lucius had a conversation with the Dark Lord."

"That doesn't actually suprise me. After all they are part of his inner circle."

"Let me finish Snape. So, they talked to him and they mentioned you."

"Me?" Severus asked. Fear crept up inside of him, but his face stayed an emotionless mask.

"You, mate. The Dark Lord decided he wants to see your talents in action."

"He does, doesn't he?"

"Man, don't pretend like that isn't a chance for you. Just imagine, handpicked and wanted from the Dark Lord himself. What an honour that is."

"Does anybody else know about this?" Severus asked suddenly.

"No," Avery said, slightly taken aback. "Just me, my dad, Lucius and you of course."

"And that's how it should stay. Don't tell anybody, not even Mulciber, under any circumstances. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it? Why though?"

"Because it would be foolish if word got around that the Dark Lord wants me to join him. I have to finish school anyhow and if Dumbledore gets wind of it, he'll do anything to stop me from joining the Dark Lord."

"All right, I got it Snape," Avery leaned back in his armchair. "But I always wonder how you can think all possibilities through so fast."

Severus didn't answer. The truth was that he thought about this for a very long time. He knew that he was exactly what the Dark Lord needed.

"Oh, what I'd like to know in particular, Snape. What is going on with you and that Evans girl. I mean it's just disgusting, after all she is muggle born. How can you even talk to her."

"She is an attractive girl, you know. And as for her being muggle born, it's not true."

"Not true? I've heard it plenty of times. Otherwise I would have laid her myself."

"She thought she was muggle born, but her parents just adopted her. Her real parents were wizards living in Ireland." Severus didn't even feel bad for lying at Avery. If he believed him, word would get around quickly that Lily was a pureblood.

"Ah, I see. Hence the beautiful red hair. Maybe I should have a go around with her."

Severus felt disgusted by Avery's words.

"You better not," he said in the strongest voice he could manage. "She belongs to me."

"Ok Snape. No reason to bare the teeth. You have her and I'll have the rest." Avery laughed.

"Oh, one more thing, before I forget it. The Dark Lord wants to see you this summer, at the Malfoy's. Are you in it?"

"I'm in!"


	10. The picnic

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"Do I, as a prefect, really want to know how you got all this amazing food?" Lily asked, biting in a strawberry. Lily and Severus were sitting in the grass. It was the first warm Saturday in May. Just first and second graders were running around on the grounds, playing frisbee or practicing simple charms. Everybody else had went to Hogsmeade.

"Well, if you don't want to know I will certainly not tell you." Severus replied, beaming at Lily. She smiled back and felt the familiar flutter in her stomach. She enjoyed every minute with Severus, but she couldn't really define what they were. Sure, they were friends, no doubt about that, best friends actually. And still, sometimes they acted like a couple, without really being one. It was very confusing, but Lily hadn't figured out yet, how to ask her best friend what they really were. But there was another thing Lily had to ask Severus and it took all her courage to do it.

"Sev?"

"Yes, Lilykins. What's the matter? If you start a question with _Sev_ it's usually something serious."

"Mh, it kind of is serious. I think you are the only person who could help me."

"What is it then? I'd be happy to help you." Severus got himself up into a sitting position.

"Lately I've been feeling-" Lily paused, desperately searching for words to best describe how she felt. "weird."

"Weird?"

"Different, you know. Not like myself anymore."

"You seem to me like yourself all right."

"It's more like on the inside. I have those weird thoughts and dreams." Lily was almost on the verge of tears.

Quickly Severus pulled Lily to him and patted her back gently. He knew that this sometimes helped her calm down.

"Tell me. Tell me those dreams and thoughts you have."

Lily shook her head vehemently. She couldn't tell anybody about those dreams she had. They were too cruel and embarassing to her. But then, when she couldn't tell her best friend, who then? Taking a deep breath she started to tell slowly. "I'm dreaming and thinking alot about- about murdering people and stuff." Lily couldn't help it, but start crying immediately. Those thoughts and dreams were pure torture to her.

"Oh my, that's sounds terrible. Don't cry Lily. I mean it's just thoughts and dreams. Maybe you are mixed up because of the bad times we are in. Everybody copes with it differently."

Lily sobbed even louder and Severus now put both arms around her.

"Don't worry Lilykins," he said gently. "It'll be over soon."

Lily didn't know if he meant her weird dreams or the war. Either way it seemed to be an odd phrase.

"Here have some pumpkin juice." Severus offered her a cup which felt ice-cold.

Lily drank it thank fully in two big gulps, but she wondered why Severus had sounded slightly disgusted as he had offered her the pumpkin juice. _Maybe I'm just going mad._ Lily thought and pushed the thought about Severus lately acting weird too.

"So, let's see," Severus said cheerfully, peeking into the picnic basket he had brought with him. "How can we cheer little Lily up." Those words made Lily chuckle a little. Ever since she had kissed Severus, he seemed so much more alive and happy.

"Ah, how about a tiny treacle tart." Severus pulled a minitature treacle tart out of the basket and offered it to Lily.

"What? You didn't tell me until now that you brought treacle tarts. You are such a meanie." Grinning at Severus she took a big bite.

"I knew those would cheer you up, Lilykins."

"Hey Sev?"

"Mhm."

"You don't happen to have a book with you, do you?"

"As a matter of fact I do. But you wouldn't like it."

"I'll like it. What's it about?"

"Dark creatures. Dementors, Inferi, you know."

"That actually sounds good. Read it to me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, come on Sev. I love it when you read something for me aloud. It was so cute when you did it the last time."

"All right. Just for you, Lilykins."

Severus pulled a book out of his robes, opened it up and started to read. His voice changed immediately. It became deeper and more melodic.

Lily closed her eyes listening to Severus' words.

None of them noticed the stag, which was hidden in the high bushes at the edge of the lake. They hadn't noticed him all the time.


	11. The Prince and the Lord

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Muffled voices came from the other room. The door opened and Severus Snape raised from the chair he had sat on what had felt like for hours. When he walked he noticed his legs going numb. What would they expect him today. What if he really had to hurt somebody?

"Go in there," Lucius Malfoy whispered at him. "He doesn't like to wait."

Severus entered the room, eyes fixed on the ground. When he could see a dark cloak dangling on the ground he stopped, not looking up.

"Severus Snape." The voice was weird, hissing.

"Yes, Lord." It was so hard to keep his face down. He wanted to see him, maybe even look him in the eyes.

"You may raise your head now." The hissing voice said.

Severus had imagined him, every time he talked with Avery about him. He couldn't ever have imagined this. His face was so pale, almost white, the skin stretched around the bones. His mouth was so thin that it was hard to see, and his nose was weirdly flat, small and had only two very small slits. His eyes had a color somewhere between purple and red. The light from the candles made him look even more scary. Severus thought that he looked like he came straight out of hell.

"I was very curious to meet you. Very curious indeed."

From somewhere came a slither, like a big thing was moving on the ground.

"Do you want to serve me, Snape?"

"Yes, I do Lord," Severus said, barely moving his lips.

"Right. Of course you do. But first you have to show me your skills."

Severus knew that would be coming.

"I will my Lord."

"I hope you will. And I hope you won't disappoint me." Voldemort raised his voice. "Bring her in."

Bellatrix and her sister Narcissa came in, holding a struggling woman. They pushed her to the ground right in front of Severus' feet.

"Snape, how about you show our guest here what we do with filthy little mudbloods like her?!"

The woman started to cry so bitterly that Severus could barely understand Voldemort.

Severus drew his wand. He knew what he would do to the woman. He had expected that he had to hurt somebody. Still it was hard to do it. Even though he had taken the potion he had given Lily over the last couple of months, he felt bad hurting an innocent woman. What had she done in her life that she deserved this? She just existed and that was why she needed to be tortured? Severus took a deep breath, but then he made the mistake to look down at her. She had green eyes. Not as magnificently as Lily's, but still beautiful green eyes. Disgusted with himself, Severus raised his wand and shouted _Sectumsepra_. Long, deep gashes appeared on the woman's chest. Blood was streaming out of them and the woman yelled in pain, benting her upper body forwards.

Voldemort's lips curled in a satisified smile. "Go on, Snape. Show me something unforgivable."

Lips trembling Severus shouted _Crucio_, not being sure if he'd be able to perform the spell accurately. He had never used it before on anybody, but the woman instantly twitched and whimpered even more.

"Go on, go on. Why don't you kill her. After all she is worthless."

Severus closed his eyes. He had never been that disgusted with himself.

_Avada Kedavra_. His own words echoed in his ears.

Suddenly he felt empty. Empty and weak.

"You've proven yourself worthy for me, Snape. In one year you'll get the mark."

"My Lord," Severus said, as obedient as he could manage. "I only have one request."

"Lord Voldemort usually doesn't grand wishes. But I think if there is one who earned a favor it is you. Speak up."

"There is this girl. She is very talented. If I join you, she needs to come with me."

"If she'll be loyal to me and if she has the skills I need in my servants, she may join me too."

"Thank you my Lord," Severus said quietly, bowing down.

"You may go, Snape."

Severus left the room. His whole body felt numb now.

Everybody standing in the room Severus had waited in, stared at him now. Their eyes were full of pride. They knew what he had done.

But Severus didn't linger. He rushed outside in the beautiful yard, where peacocks strolled around, and threw up behind a rosebush till his stomach was completely empty.


	12. Doe vs Stag

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Alice Miller walked down the corridor, straight to the portrait of the Fat Lady. She had just been at the owlery to send her boyfriend, Frank Longbottom, a letter. He had been one year above her and had recently finished school. Now they'd been apart for only a month, but Alice missed him very badly.

"_Boucle_," Alice said to the Fat Lady, not knowing yet what she'd find behind the portrait. It swung open and Alice clambered through the hole with some difficulty.

Every single student in the common room stood in a circle, obviously watching something. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were in the very front and looked dead serious. Nobody seemed to enjoy the spectacle happening in the middle of the circle, but still they were watching it.

"How do you dare get into my private life?" A piercing voice yelled.

"Lily, I-let's not discuss it right here-"

Lily. Lily was involved in whatever was going on there. As quickly as Alice could she made her way through the crowd.

"Oh we will. We will discuss it right here in front of everybody. What gives you the damn right to spy on me? To think that you know what I need. Tell me now, why are you doing that to me?"

"I just think you are making a mistake. That's all. I want to protect you."

"You? Protect me? You are obnoxious Potter. I wish you'd finally leave me alone."

Alice had come to the front of the crowd and saw James and Lily now, facing each other. To her relief none of them had their wand out. Lily looked furious, Alice had never seen her that way. Normally she was flushed, whenever she got angry, but now her eyes seem to be full of malice and her whole body trembled.

"Ok, Evans, you want to discuss this in front of everybody in Gryffindor, then I'll go ahead," James yelled. "You hang out with Snape all the time. Snape who was at the Malfoy's this summer. Guess who else was at the Malfoy's. _He_, He-who-must-not-be-named was there too. Do you think they just had tea and a nice little chitchat?!"

"So what if he was?" Lily asked provocatively. The whole crowd gasped. Lily, Head girl of Hogwarts, didn't care if her best friend had connections to Lord Voldemort.

"Lily, what is wrong with you?" James asked, almost pleading for an answer.

"Nothing. I can just finally see clearly."

"And what do you see then?"

"That you and your little gang are really the bad ones. You are bullies and you are so much worse than every Slytherin student could ever be."

"You don't know what you're talking. You are out of your mind," James said shaking his head.

"No, you are. I know that you were stalking me all the time. Fine, you might have a crush on me, but get over it Potter. I don't want you. I never will."

"Lily, I don't ask you to go out with me anymore. I'm asking you to come to your senses."

"I'm at my senses all right."

"Snape is betraying you. He is bewitching you or something and you don't even realize it."

Alice saw Lily's hand twitch. She suddenly had the feeling that something bad was about to happen. And before anybody knew how it had happened Lily had drawn her wand and muttered something under her breath. But Alice was faster than Lily and performed a shield charm, protecting Lily. Lily's spell repelled and hit her instead. Long gashes appeared on her face and and chest. Blood poured out of her like crazy.

"Oh my god," Alice yelled. James got onto his feet again and jumped to Lily.

"We have to get her to the hospital wing immediately." _Levicorpus_ he muttered and Lily rose into the air. Alice followed James out of the portrait hole.

"That looks bad," Madame Pomfrey said, examining Lily's wounds. "Really bad. I've got to get Professor Dumbledore, maybe he can help us."

"But she'll bleed to death till then," James said desperately.

"I'll be back," Madame Pomfrey said, running out of the hospital wing.

"Damn it!" James kicked a chair over in his anger. Alice just cried silently. "It's all my fault. If I hadn't performed a Shield Charm-" She broke off, sobbing.

"Who would have known she'd perform that spell-" James paused. "You know, who once used it?"

"Who?" Alice asked looking up through a face of tears.

"Snape. He used it on me in our fifth year. He must've taught her."

"You really think Snape did something to her?"

"Yes, he did. He is evil, Alice, really evil." James paused again. Then he made his way out of the hospital wing.

"Hey where are you going?" Alice asked, crying.

"I'm gonna go get him. He'll pay for this, trust me."

James rushed through the castle. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears. He had never felt that way before, but tonight he was ready to do anything to get revenge for what had happened to Lily.

Standing in front of the Slytherin common room, he banged his fists at the stone wall, which would only slide open if he'd known the password.

"Severus Snape," he screamed. "Open the door you filthy scum."

Suddenly the wall slid aside and James almost fell right into the common room.

A dozens students looked at him, but James only wanted to find Severus. It was hard to see anything in the dim,green light, but finally James spotted him close to the fireplace, talking to Avery.

"You," James bellowed rushing at Severus. "You gonna pay for everything you did to her."

Severus got to his feet, his wand at the ready. "What do you want Potter," he spat.

"She could die and it's all your fault." James grabbed Severus robes and lifted him up a couple of inches off the ground. Severus struggled to get free, but James was much bigger and stronger.

"What are you even talking about," Severus asked breathlessly.

James let Severus free, but did so very roughly. "Out of here," he yelled. "Now."

Severus didn't protest and followed James out of the common room, up the stairs, through some corridors, right to the hospital wing.

"Go in there. Look at her and then try for some remorse Snape. You disgust me!"

Severus went into the hospital wing. He didn't know at all what James was talking about, but it couldn't be good. And there, unconscious, lay his Lily. Dumbledore leaned over her and tried to heal some deep cuts on her face and bare chest. Her bare chest. He had imagined to see it a lot of times, but never in a situation like this. The worst thing was that he knew which spell had caused those wounds. His own spell.

The cuts didn't seem to heal, there was more and more blood pouring out of them.

"Professor Dumbledore, sir," Severus said, his voice sounding to him like it had been detached from his body. "May I try to heal those cuts."

Dumbledore looked up at him. "I don't doubt that you are a highly talent student Snape, but Miss Evans has been a victim of very dark magic. I don't think a seventh grader could-"

"Let my try, please," Severus interrupted him. "There is nothing to loose."

"Alright," Dumbledore said, stepping back.

Severus leaned over Lily and muttered without pausing once. It was hard to heal the wounds and maybe it would take him a while, but that didn't matter as long as he could safe Lily. In every single word he said Severus laid all the love he had for Lily and slowly, but surely the cuts healed. When there was not a single scar on her, Severus stopped and backed away. Everybody stared at him in awe.

"Thank you Severus," Dumbledore said softly. "Miss Evans will need her rest. We all might have to talk another day about all this happened. You better go to bed now."

In silence Severus, Alice and James left.


	13. Aftermath

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She was sleeping. Of course she was. She needed her rest after everything that had happened. Severus Snape sat down on a chair next to Lily's bed in the hospital wing and watched her sleeping. He wondered how much longer Madame Pomfrey wanted to keep her. It had been three weeks since she had been injured.

Severus took her hand and held it in his. Ever since Lily had try to injure James, he felt bad about everything. About how he was manipulating Lily with the potion and how her accident was his fault. He had reconsidered his plan for so many times now. Maybe it was better to go into hiding. Or to stand up and fight. But those alternatives seemed foolish to Severus. If they went into hiding they could be found and fighting was even more crazy. Lily would be killed if they'd be on the good side, he knew it.

Gently Severus took a strand of red hair out of Lily's face. She looked so peaceful sleeping like this. She looked like she was still herself. Only Severus knew that the old Lily was slowly slipping away, making room for a dangerous, dark Lily. Somehow that made Severus sad, he didn't love the new Lily as much as he had loved the old one.

For the hundreth time Severus looked down to Lily's neck, where she was wearing a golden necklace with a little heart pendant, on one side of the heart was a ruby and on the other an emerald. It had been Severus' Christmas gift to her and he had to smile everytime he saw her wearing it.

Suddenly Lily stirred and her eyes fluttered open.

"Sev?" she croaked.

"I'm here Lilykins, I'm here for you."

"Why do you even bother man?" Sirius Black leaned against a shelf in the library, looking around with his normal, arrogant expression on his face. His best friend James Potter was pouring over hundreds of different books, all of them about the Dark Arts.

"Why not bother. Lily is in danger and I want to save her. What's wrong with that Padfoot?"

"Nothing. I'm just telling you that you are wasting your time." Sirius toned down his voice. "Snape is a member of Voldemorts little Death Eaters, do you think you'll be able to fight against whatever he has done to Lily."

"Yeah, I'm pretty certain," James said impatienly and pushed some books off the table. "I just haven't found the spell he has put upon her yet."

Sirius bent down, one of the books had caught his attention. _"Dark and Light. The compsition of a Wizard's soul and how to change it"_

"Did you ever take a look in that one?"

James took a look on the cover. "Sounds promising," James said, taking the book out of Sirius' hands. "You gonna read it with me Padfoot."

"Alright Prongs, but just because Voldemort's ass needs to be kicked."

They met in the third corridor. As soon as they saw each other hatred boiled up in both of them. Both of them had their hand in their robes, and they knew that the other was grabbing his wand.

"Snape!" James said as calmly as he could manage.

"Potter!" Severus replied quietly.

They both came to a halt, now standing in front of each other.

"I found out your secret," James said threateningly.

"Prove it," Severus replied maliciously.

"I don't need to be prove it yet. But trust me Snape, I'll trace your every step as soon as we all leave this castle."

"Get a life Potter."

"Listen Snape, I don't know why you are doing this to Lily, because I don't have your mad brain, but I'll do anything to protect her."

"So do I!"

"Yeah sure," James said mockingly. "You know what Snape, you disgust me!"

With those words James left Severus standing behind. The worst thing was that Severus knew that James was right, absolutely right. But he couldn't risk having a bad conscience, he'd need his strength for the rest of the plan.


	14. Lily's present

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

"Are you ready Sev?" Lily asked impatiently. They were standing in the entrance hall and Lily was jumping up and down.

"Let me just fix my robe Lilykins, ok?"

"Here let me do that," Lily said, approaching to Severus.

"Thanks. I don't know why I'm so nervous."

"Yeah, I don't know it either. After all we already know that we passed."

"But it's different though. After today it's official."

"That's right. Oh gee, now you're making me even more nervous Sev." Lily chuckled. "There, all fixed up. You look handsome Sev."

"Good joke Lily."

"No, I mean it. I just love your new robes and your hair is all clean and soft."

Severus lips twisted slightly. He offered Lily his arms. "You coming with me."

"Of course," Lily said, chuckling and linked her arm with his.

It was a beautiful summer day. The birds tweeted as if they knew about the special event that was going on at Hogwarts today. Close to the edge of the lake were about 100 chairs facing a podium.

"Do you have your speech in your mind?" Severus asked Lily as they made their way down to the lake.

"Sure. Are you doubting me Sev?"

"I would never. I was just checking."

Lily laughed. "Yeah sure Sev. Just checking."

Hearing Lily's laugh felt so good to Severus. It had been a long time ago since he had heard her laughing like this. He hadn't given her the potion for three months now, so she could enjoy this day. But he knew already that he'd have to put some of it in her butterbeer this afternoon.

"Let's sit there," Lily said, pointing to some chairs on the left side.

They settled down and it wasn't long before every student of the seventh grade came too. The last ones where the teacher, Dumbledore didn't even sit down but got up to the podium immediately. He must have made one of his usual speeches, but Severus didn't even listen. He was just concentrating on the feeling of Lily's hand in his. After a while Lily got up to hold her speech.

"The time has now come to part. But we are just physically leaving this castle. In our minds we will still have all the precious moments we were able to have here. How we saw the magnificient castle for the first time. Our first lessons. All the weekends we spent in Hogsmeade. Those memories are ours and nobody can take them from us. Even though our future might be shadowed, those memories will strengthen us for what ever obstacle we have to overcome-"

At this point of Lily's speech, Severus got sidetracked. In the sky over the Forbidden Forest he could see it again. Huge and black, a horse with wings, a Thestral. Severus shuddered. He knew why he could see them and suddenly he just hoped that Lily would never be able to.

"How dou you think I was?" Lily asked quietly.

"Amazing. You really were."

After every student had gotten their diploma, the crowd went wild. Sirius black lighted some fireworks and yelled: "Party in the Gryffindor common room!"

Everybody seemed to be in the mood to celebrate.

Lily looked at Severus, smiling. "How about we take one last stroll through the castle?"

"Good idea," Severus replied, taking Lily's hand and leaving with her.

They barely spoke with each other while they made their way through the castle. Both of them were just enjoying the quietness of the long corridors and the presence of each other.

The ended up on the seventh floor and Lily stopped.

"What's the matter Lilykins?" Severus asked, stopping too.

Lily smiled mischievous. "I haven't given you your graduation present yet."

"You didn't have to get me something."

"I know. Also, I wanted it to be something special you'd never forget." Lily laid an arm around Severus' neck and then she kissed him like she had never kissed him before. Her kiss was passionate and made Severus want more.

Suddenly Lily ended the kiss. "I think I heard footsteps," she whispered. "Maybe it's Filch. Come quick, around this corner."

"He is not coming Lily, you can come back," Severus said softly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

Lily came back to Severus but right at this moment Filch truly came down the corridor and Severus and Lily qucikly jumped out of sight. Right at this moment Severus had only one desire. A place where they wouldn't be found, where they could be together without any disturbance.

"He's gone," Lily said reliefed, peeking around the corner.

They went back into the corridor, but now there was a door in the wall.

"Was this door here before?" Lily asked confused.

"I don't think so," Severus said, opening it. Behind it there was a beautiful room, with a large bed in the middle.

"Well, that looks exactly like the room I could show you your present in," Lily said entering the room. "Come on in Sev."

"Alright," Severus said, following Lily into the room. She already sat on the bed.

"Are you joining me here?"

"You sure?" Severus asked, standing in front of Lily. She grabbed his robes, pulled him down to her face and kissed him once more.

"I am!"


	15. The Prince,the Hero

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

**This is not the last chapter. There are some more to come, but I couldn't stand it anymore, I had to finally write this.  
**

Back in this room. It was so dark in here. Thick, dark curtains were shutting out the beautiful summer day. The flickering light of the candles drew long shadows of every single piece of furniture. And somewhere in the dark Nagini, the snake, was slithering through the room. Suddenly he could feel it again. Feel how it had been when he had killed the innocent woman.

Kneeling on the ground Severus wondered how much longer it would take Voldemort to come inside. He looked down at the ground and tried to focus on what he had to do and say today and for the next couple of weeks. Sometimes he would glance at Lily, kneeling next to him. She looked worn out, as if she hadn't slept in weeks. If he wouldn't stop giving her the potion soon, her soul would be lost forever.

The sound of the door tore him out of his thoughts. Voldemort entered, his robes billowing behind him. "Excuse my tardiness," he said, like he wasn't sorry at all. "But we had some intruders in her that we needed to deal with. Well, now you'll have the pleasure to kill them off as soon as I have marked you as mine."

Severus pulled up the right sleeve of his robe. The time had come. There was no going back now. And like a reflex, his left hand shot to his wand and it gripped it tightly. He didn't know why, but he just did. He just needed to know that he still had power.

"First I'll bring our guest in, don't you think that would be lovely. They'll see you becoming so much more than they ever were."

Malfoy, Lestrange, Avery and Mulciber were bringing in two young men, who seemed to be almost unconscious. They were tied and blood trickled down their heads. Severus knew immediately who it was, Sirius and James. They were thrown onto the floor and the four Death Eaters left the room.

"Those must be some of your classmates. A pity they were so nosy." Voldemort kicked Sirius in the stomach. "Now, first things first. Let's give you the Mark." Voldemort raised his wand and approached Lily and Severus. "I would say ladies first, don't you think Snape." Severus nodded numbly. He looked down at Lily's flawless ivory arm. The ugly Dark Mark would be on it now any minute, forever and unchangeable. Then Severus looked up in Lily's face. He shouldn't do that to here. It wasn't right.

And just before Voldemort could place the Dark Mark on Lily's arm, alot of things happened at once. James had gotten rid of his bonds and stood on weak legs know, but he didn't have a wand. Distracted by the noise Voldemort had turned around. Seeing James standing there, he laughed and raised his wand. "_**Avada-,**_" but that was all he could say, because that very minute, Severus had gotten to his feet to, wand in his hand and he thought the words in his head, as strong as he could. The green flash of light erupting from Severus' wand was brighter than it had been the last time he had cast this spell. The whole room seemed to explode and Severus threw himself over Lily, to shield her from the pieces of ceiling that were falling down. Yells were coming from every direction, but Severus didn't listen to them, the only thing that matter was Lily's warm body beneath him, still breathing, still alive and unmarked from Lord Voldemort.

More and more rubble was pouring down on them, everything got dusty and Severus pleaded that it would be all over soon.

And then the noise was over and everything was completely still. Severus opened his eyes, which were still itching from all the dust and to his suprise he could see the sunlight and the garden of the Malfy mansion. Peacocks were strolling around as if nothing had happened and from far away he was able to hear the plashing from the fountain.

Lily seemed to be unconscious but she was still breathing. Severus got up and he never forgot what he saw that moment. Half of the Malfoy manor had fallen down. And right in the middle of the room they had been in, lay Voldemort's dead body. Dead, really dead. He would never harm anybody again. It was over, finally over.

Severus stepped over him. He could see more dead bodys laying in the rubble. Malfoy and his wife had both been hit by something heavy and now they lay there dead a trickel of blood on their forheads. Bellatrix had been smushed by two bookshelves. With his wand Severus blasted away some of the rubble, until he finally found James and Sirius. Both had their eyes closed, but Severus could still feel a pulse.

He ran over to Lily again, picked her up and carried her over to James and Sirius. He tried to touch them all somehow and then, with his last strenght, he concentrated on the St. Mungo's and disapparated from this place of hell. Leaving Voldemort and his Death Eaters and basically everything dark behind him. Forever.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**As you all have recognized I took the right to take Voldemort's Horcruxes away. The reason why Snape was the only one who was able to kill will be explained in the one of the upcoming chapters.**


	16. The truth?

**I haven't updated what seems like ages to me. Well, there is an excuse(of course): I have been sick. I'll update more frequently again now that I feel a little better. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

**Reviews are appreciated very much :)  
**

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

When Lily woke up everything was bright. It hadn't been that bright in weeks. She blinked a few times, and could make out shapes of furniture and other people being there with her. What had happened to her? That was the first question coming into her mind. Every part of her body ached badly, but she still managed to turn her head around. And there she saw a familiar face.

"Sev," she croaked happily.

"Lilykins, I'm so glad you finally woke up."

"Where am I? What happened?" Lily asked. But Severus didn't answer.

"Drink something," he said, giving her a glass of water. Lily was indeed thirsty and she drank everything very quickly. "Tell me now Sev. Tell me what happened!"

"It's a long and complicated story Lily. I'll tell you when you get better." Severus put a calming hand on her cheeks, but Lily became angry. "I want to know Sev. I feel good enough to know, now!"

"Alright. I'll tell you," Severus sighed deeply. "We've been captured by the Dark Lord. You, me, Potter and Black." Severus pointed to the beds James and Sirius were lying in. "He wanted me to kill you three, but I refused, of course, and then-," he stopped as if the last part of the story was hard for him to tell. "we all fought him. A lot of spells and hexes were cast in the room we were in. And suddenly there was big flash of green light and half of the house exploded. When I woke up _he_ was dead Lily, dead. I was the only one who was conscious, so I disapparated with you, Black and Potter right here into St. Mungo's.

"You did, did you? I always knew there was a little hero in you Sev. You've kept your promise to protect me."

"I did." Severus said quietly.

"So, the war is over now?" Lily asked suddenly."

"Pretty much. The ministry is rounding up the last couple of Death Eaters and they gonna be sent to Azkaban."

"That means there is peace now. Finally peace. We don't have to fear him anymore."

"Yeah, it's over now. There are a lot of celebrations going on."

"I bet. People must be so happy. Isn't that wonderful Sev? Come on now, smile a little, be happy."

"I was just to worried about you to be happy."

Lily looked at Severus. He did indeed look terrible, his robes were spluttered with mud and his face looked completely worn out.

"Sev, you should go home and get some rest, alright?"

"No, I don't want to leave you alone."

Lily chuckled. "I'm not alone. Please, do it for me. Get some rest."

"Okay, Lilykins. I'll be back tomorrow." Severus kissed her softly on the forhead and left.

Lily fell back into her pillows, racking her brain for a memory, any memory of the day, but there was just emptiness. Actually, the last thing she could remember was how she was meeting Severus on the playground and then everything went dark. Maybe that was when they were captured from the Death Eaters.

A moan interrupted Lily's thoughts. Something stirred in the bed next to her. She recognized the messy black hair immediately.

"Am I dead?" James' voice sounded weak, but Lily could hear that he was joking again.

"Yeah, Potter. You're in heaven and I'm in hell."

"It's nice to see you survived too Evans," James said sitting up in his bed, grinning at Lily. "You look pretty good for everything that you went through."

"Well, that's just my natural charme," Lily replied jokingly, but then she suddenly got a serious expression on her face. Looking down at the white hospital sheets she murmured very quietly: "James, do you know-"

"Do I know what?" James asked as serious as she looked like.

"Do you know what happened? I kind of have the feeling that the I missed the last couple of months."

"Oh, Lily," James sighed and shook his head. "There will be a time for explanations, but not now."

"So, you do know something, right. You remember what happened with V-Voldemort and why I feel so weird, you know, don't you?"

"I don't know for sure, it's just a guess."

"Well, even a guess would be fine with me," Lily said angrily. She got the feeling that James didn't want to tell her and she wondered why. What could be so horrible about the incident. "James, you need to tell me. I need to know," Lily said pleadingly.

James took a deep breath before he started talking. "Snape almost..," he broke off, trying to find the right words, if there even were any. "I guess it was Snape killing Voldemort."

"But that's good. That's amazing. Were we there to help him? Did we fight together."

"No," James said sternly. "See, Snape was only there because he was meant to be made a Death Eater."

"What?" Lily asked confused. "What do you mean?"

"It's such a long story Lily."

"Then tell me. Tell me from the beginning."

"Alright, well I guess it starts with –with your weird behavior in school. I was worried, you see. You were so agressiv and didn't seem to be yourself anymore. So, one evening Sirius and I found this book in the library and it was about how you could-" James broke off, his voice was so heavy now that Lily was worried what would be coming next. But she needed to know, no matter how cruel it was. She needed to know why she had only fragments of memory from the last couple of months.

"Please go on James, just tell me!"

"Ok, so the book was about how you could bring out the evil side in a wizard or witch. And there was a potion in it, which would do it. And I guess Snape gave you the potion."

Lily gasped. That couldn't be true, Severus had always cared for her. He loved her!

"No," Lily shook her head vigirously. "No, I don't believe it, not Snape, no."

"Lily it's true, trust me, it is. And then he wanted you to become a Death Eater too. That's the reason why you were at the Malfoy's."

"No," Lily cried, jumping off her bed. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she felt hot and cold at the same time. Her whole world had suddenly broken apart. She ran out of the room, down the steps, the white nightgown she was wearing fluttered ghostly.


	17. White Lilys

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

**Thanks to everybody who is reading and loving this story. A big thanks goes to every reviewer, you are the ones that help me to write this story!!  
**

A spray of white lilys in his hand Severus Snape stepped through the glass, not even feeling the cool sensation anymore. All he wanted was to see Lily again. The previous night had been sleepless. In his dreams, Lily had the Dark Mark on the ivory skin of her arm and her face just looked cruel, she had tried to kill him so she could be together with Lord Voldemort. When Severus had woken up from this nightmare, cold sweat had run down his back. Even now it was still hard for him to shake the dream off.

Quickly Severus made his way through the reception area, which was crowded with odd looking wizards and witches. He didn't want to look at them, they kind of made him feel uneasy. Behind the double doors Severus stepped through were a couple of Healers in white robes, talking quietly with each other. Severus ignored them as well and went up the steps until he reached the ward Lily, and to his displeasure James and Sirius too, lay.

He saw Lily immediately. She was asleep, her red hair lying fan-like around her head. What struck Severus odd, was the nurse sitting next to her doing nothing but reading a magazine. Why was she there? Did Lily feel worse? And then, with a plunge in his stomach, Severus saw that Sirius and James were wide awake and seemed to be pretty well. Did they know anything? Could they remember what happened at the Malfoy's? Sweat ran down Severus' back and his hands felt suddenly numb.

The nurse, sitting next to Lily, finally realized that Severus was standing in the room. She looked up from her _Witch's Weekly_ and spoke to him in a bored voice. "You want to visit Miss Evans?" She had an accent Severus absolutely disliked, so he decided to just hate this nurse.

"Who else would **I** be visiting?" he asked snippy, glancing at James.

"Well, Miss Evans is sleeping," the nurse replied, as if it wasn't obvious.

Severus hardened the grip around the flowers in his hand. "I can see that."

"So, she won't be able to talk to you."

As hard as Severus had tried, now he couldn't hold back. His anger was too big and even more actuated by the looks Sirius and James shot at each other and at him. They knew. He just knew that they knew.

"Listen, you moron," Severus shouted at the nurse. "I'm not here to waste my time with you. I most certainly can visit Miss Evans even if she's asleep. She is my girlfriend!"

"I guess not any longer," James said gloatingly.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Severus spat back at him.

James just shrugged his shoulders and looked triumphantly over to Sirius.

Over all this commotion Lily had woken up. Fear stood in her eyes when she saw Severus.

"Go," she said calmly.

"Lily, it's me," Severus said soothing, taking her soft hands in his, like he had done so many times before. Lily pulled her hand away, as if the touch of Severus' skin had burned her.

"I want you to go," Lily said, more resolute than the first time.

"Lily, what ever James and Sirius told you is not true." Severus voice was full of fear.

"You don't even know what they said. You've just given the truth away, Snape."

"Lily, Lily, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," he pleaded. "I love you, I just wanted to save you, I –I-"

"Stop it," Lily yelled, jumping off her bed. The nurse made an undefined noise, nobody took notice of.

"Please Lily, if you would just listen-" But Lily didn't listen. She grabbed the flowers out of Severus' hands and started hitting him with them. Petals rained down on his black hair and the hospital floor.

".." Lily shouted at him.

Finally the nurse seemed to remember that she needed to show some authority and waved her wand so that Severus was pushed out the door. There he stood then, still with white petals in his hair and on his robes. He picked one out of his hair and blew it away sadly. He didn't have the strength to fight anymore. He knew she'd never take him back. He turned away from the door, went down the steps, through the reception area, out onto the street. His eyes were full of tears but he commanded himself not to cry.

When he came home in his tiny apartment and looked into the mirror, he saw no trace of a lily left.


	18. Wrong or right

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

_A red dress,_

_black, simple robes, _

_scarfs, _

_a coat, _

_gloves,_

_jeans,_

_dress robes,_

_..._

Lily went down her packing list, checking if she had everything she needed in her suitcase.

"Knock, knock," A head with black hair and a pair of glasses appeared in the door.

"Hey James," Lily said cheerfully, looking up from her suitcase. James leaned against the frame of the door and looked kind of shy. His hair was messed up, as usual, but it didn't look like he had done it on purpose. "Come on in, James."

"Alright," James sat down on the bed, next to Lily's suitcase. "You sure you want to leave. You could stay you know."

"I know. But I need to go and you know that as well as I do."

James nodded silently.

"Your train is leaving tomorrow?" he asked, looking down on all the neatly folded clothes in her suitcase. He would just have thrown them in without caring.

"Mhm, going with all the little kids," Lily smiled, pulling more clothes out of her closet.

"I kind of envy you," James said, stretching himself out onto the bed, so that just his legs were off it now.

"Why?" Lily asked, chuckling a little. She didn't know what it was, but James' presence made her feel all bubbly and fluttery inside.

"Well, you get to go back to Hogwarts and you don't even have to study or anything. You can just hang out there."

"I can not. I'm learning to be a teacher and you know that."

"Old Sluggy will certainly teach you well," James said, raising an eyebrow.

"I hope you're not thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking."

"I would never," James said, acting to be shocked.

"Alright," Lily returned to packing again.

"It's a shame you're a leaving though. My mum really liked you and so did dad."

"And you?" Lily asked a little flirty.

"You know that I adore you."

"How could I ever forget."

"You have to visit us anyway. Whenever you like. The Potter's house shall be yours too."

"Thank you James," Lily said softly, sitting down next to him. She had a big red box in her hand.

"What's in there?" James asked curiously.

"Oh, just some stuff," Lily said opening it up. "See, old jewelry, quills, stuff like that." Lily rummaged around in the box some more. After a while she found something, she'd rather not ever see again. A gold necklace with a heart pendant. One side with a ruby, the other with an emerald.

"That's pretty," James said without thinking.

Lily threw it in the corner of the room. "I don't want it anymore."

"It's from _him_, isn't it?" James asked quietly.

Lily nodded, wiping away a single tear. She had pushed all thoughts of Severus away over the last couple of months and she had been happy that way. Being remembered of him without a warning hurted so badly. It was like a million different feelings were battling inside of her. She still loved him, of course, but how could one love a person who had cheated and lied. And she was angry and full of hatred. Thinking of Severus was not a good thing at all.

"I'm sorry," James said softly, putting an arm around Lily's shoulders, hugging her tightly.

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. I can understand how you feel. I bet it hurts a lot."

Lily snuggled herself closer to James. He smelled so different from Severus, much cleaner and with a hint of expensive perfume. And, before she could think more about Severus, James kissed her. It wasn't the soft kiss she was used to from Severus but much more forceful. Lily couldn't stand it. As much as she liked James as a friend, she'd never feel for him what she had felt for Severus. All the thoughts of Severus really made her cry now and James broke off her, when he felt the tears running down her face.

"I'm sorry," he said shaking his head. "I shouldn't have-"

"No, it's okay," Lily said trying to smile.

"Look, Lily if you still love _him_, you should go talk to him."

"No," Lily shook her head heavily. She stood up from the bed and packed the last couple of robes. "He is dead to me!" she said definite, closing the suitcase.


	19. Through Glass

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

It smelled bad. Was it the apartment or himself? It was probably both, but he was too wrapped up in his sadness and lonelyness to care. He just sat there on the floor, back leaned against one of his bookshelves. He hadn't shaved or even taken a shower in a week. It didn't make sense to do anything. Lily had gone out of his life and now it was so empty. He was so empty.

Slowly the dawn was breaking and streams of lights fell in the dark room, lightening it up. Severus closed his eyes, he didn't want to see how messy the room was. A couple of months back he had punched his fist in the mirror and since then not removed the bloody pieces, which were spread out all over the room. He even liked it when he accidentally stepped in one of them. The physical pain could distract from the emotional a little while and at least that way he knew he was still alive. Severus moaned and moved his head a little. Slowly his eyes fluttered open, they were bloodshot and looked as if he hadn't slept in days. His head ached and the tapping noise outside the window wouldn't stop and made the headache even worse. He dragged himself up to see what was doing the noise and to his suprise he saw a big owl sitting on the windowsill, tapping it's beak against the glass. Severus opened the window and removed the scroll of parchment from the owl's leg. His heart beated three times faster than usual, as he unrolled the scroll, hoping to see Lily's delicate handwriting. But it was rather a scrawl than the feminine letters that Lily made.

_I don't like you. You know that and you don't like me either, so it's fine, I guess. But I care about Lily and I think she still loves you. If you still love her, then you should go to King's Cross immediately, she will be leaving with the Hogwarts Express today. I don't know if she'll listen to you, but I think you should at least try everything._

_James_

Severus hands trembled after reading the letter. James thought that Lily loved him? It couldn't be true. Maybe it was one last attempt from James to make a fool out of him. But something inside him told him that this was true. Lily would be going to Hogwarts, so she would be at King's Cross this morning, maybe even right now. Severus didn't have the time to shave or shower, so he just put on new robes and rushed out the door as quickly as he could.

"That's him."

"Really? He did it.

"The one who killed you-know-who."

"Nobody is sure though."

"I bet he did it. He must be so skilled."

Severus could hear them whisper as he made his way through the crowd. He didn't know how it had became public but the wizard population seemed to know that he had killed Lord Voldemort. Right now he didn't care about all the whispers and eyes following him. It was time to find Lily. He couldn't find her on the platform, so he peeked in every window of the train, hoping to see her there. He was lucky almost at the very end of the scarlet train. There she sat, her red hair falling in her face. She was reading a book. Gently Severus knocked on the window. Her head spun around and then her emerald eyes fixed on him. She didn't look happy seeing him, but Severus didn't care. He made a gesture that she should come out onto the platform, but she just shook her head softly.

There, his last chance to talk to her was lost. No more chance of explaining. She didn't want him to explain. She didn't want him in his life.

And then Severus saw tears on her face. She looked exactly like he felt. He pressed his hand against the glass, as if he could reach her that way and she did the same with her hand. Severus didn't know how long he stood there like this, not moving at all, not taking his eyes out of the emerald green ones. There was just Lily in his head and nothing else. But she was behind that glass and he would never ever reach her again.

Suddenly the train moved and he was forced to remove his hand from the window.

One last time he looked at her through the glass.


	20. Missing piece

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

If there was one word Lily would have never described the Hogwarts castle, it would have been the word dull. When she went to school there the castle was magical, mysterious, intriguing. Now, as she was standing in front of it, wrapped up in a heavy coat, she found it nothing but dull. It wasn't supposed to be like this, she should love to be back again, but she wasn't and this made her feel like she was wrong here. Even though the whole castle was covered in glistening snow, even though the lake was frozen and looked as peaceful as ever, even though the Forbidden Forest had turned into a Fairytale Forest, it was all useless, she didn't feel it anymore. And as she dragged herself up to the castle through the deep snow, she had to think about this one stolen winter day, when she had had this magical kiss with Severus. The closer she came to the castle the more she became aware, what was lacking the castle, it was someone. Someone she had shut out of her life.

Everything reminded her of him. The entry hall, where they had said good-night so many times, before leaving for their own common rooms. The Great Hall, were they had been torn apart for the first time, by the Sorting Hat. And most of all the dungeons. The dungeons she was in every day, because it was the classroom she'd have to work in. This was the place where they'd shared their passion for potion brewing. It was too much to handle for Lily to be at this places full of memories, it was torture to her. The only thing she could do was smile, pretend that everything was fine and teach the classes, while Professor Slughorn sat in the corner and observed her. And he praised her for her work, how wonderful she could deal with the students, how she was able to share the passion for potions. He praised her and she smiled and thanked him, but inside she was just thinking about the one who taught her everything she knew now.

It would have gone on and on for months like this, if one warm April night Lily hadn't gone out for a walk on the grounds of the castle. The sun was just setting, and in the distant she could hear the familiar splashing of the giant squid and the barking from Fang, Hagrid's dog. She had walked all the way down to the beech tree at the edge of the lake, where she had spent so many lazy sunny afternoons with Severus. Today there was no happy Severus waiting there for her, but somebody else. At first she didn't recognise the person, standing in the shade, but as she came closer a wave of relief washed over her. It was Dumbledore, wearing a midnight blue robe with tiny silver stars on it. His eyes twinkled behind the half-moon spectacles, as usual.

"Professor Dumbledore. It is nice to see you," Lily said politely.

"Oh, please call me Albus. Now that we are almost colleagues." Dumbledore smiled at her warmly.

"Well, then it is nice to see you Albus."

"It is nice to see you too, Lily. I wondered when I would have the chance to talk to you."

"Why would you want to talk to me?" Lily asked, secretly knowing what it would be.

"There is always so much to talk. Why don't we two continue your walk?"

The two of them started walking next to each other and Dumbledore remained silent for a while. Lily was actually suprised, when he opened his mouth.

"I hope you are fine Lily. After everything that happened."

"I'm healing everyday a little bit more."

"And what about Severus? How is he doing?"

Lily stopped immediately as she heard this question. She couldn't understand why Dumbledore would ask her such a question.

"Why would I know," Lily replied, continuing to walk again. "He died for me. It's not worth caring about him and his sick mind."

"Aren't you a little selfish there, Lily?"

"Me? Selfish? It was him, who gave me this awful potion. He wanted me to be one of Lord Voldemort's servant. He almost killed me!" Lily's whole face turned red now. How could Dumbledore say such things. Wasn't he supposed to be on the good side.

"And did you ever think about his intentions?" Dumbledore's voice was warm and gentle the whole time, there was no sign of accusation in it.

They passed Hagrid's hut and Lily was still thinking about the question Dumbledore had asked her.

"He is cruel, Albus. His only intention was to stay with me _and_ be able to work for Lord Voldemort. That's all."

"And still, he killed Voldemort. He not only saved you out of the ruin of Malfoy Manor but also his two worst enemies." Dumbledore eyed Lily now with his bright blue eyes and Lily tried to avoid his gaze. It made her feel uneasy.

"Maybe he was afraid and that's why he did it. I don't know what's going on in this twisted mind of his."

"Love is a difficult thing. So powerful and yet it can make people weak."

Lily closed her eyes, trying not to cry. She knew that Dumbledore was right, but she just couldn't admit it.

"Severus doesn't love me!" She said. It was easier to believe that than trying to find out the whole truth.

"I thought you Gryffindor's were brave and strong inside. Ready to fight not only for yourself, but also for the ones you love. And I've never met a Gryffindor who didn't want to know the truth."

"I know the truth," Lily yelled. She was full of anger for Dumbledore, mixing up all her feelings. "He doesn't love me. He is just selfish, he wants to have me to hurt James' feelings."

Dumbeldore gently shook his head. He didn't seem to mind that Lily was yelling at him with all her might. "You never listened to Severus. Not one single word. I told you that love can make people weak-" Lily tried to interrupt Dumbledore, but he just raised his hand. "Love shows itself in the most curious forms. Let me make a guess, may I?" Dumbledore didn't wait for an answer, but just continued talking. "Severus loves you so much and in my opinion, he is a person who fixes himself on a loved object or person very much. He chose you to be his one and only true love forever. I observed you two all those years, and there is no doubt he loved and loves you. In his desperate love, which he only gave you and nobody else, he gets the idea that he could possibly loose you, so he tries everything to avoid it. But he figures that hiding you from the evil, he'd rather make you part of it. He was doing this so Voldemort wouldn't kill you. He told everybody you were a pureblood. But he didn't do that for his own reputation, he just wanted you to be save. His plan was twisted, I must admit it, but it was driven with love."

"But how can I forgive him, Albus. He betrayed me."

"And are you not betraying him by not caring how _he_ felt all the time. He killed Voldemort, something nobody was able to do, not even me, and all he gets is mockery and slander. He should be a hero, but he only looses everything he has. Everybody was there for you, Lily, all your life and now. You are loved by so many people, it is so much more easy for you."

Lily couldn't talk anymore. Something big was sitting in her throat and silent tears streamed down her face. After a couple of minutes she was able to croak: "What I am to do?"

"Be a friend Lily. Nobody expects you to love him like you did before. Be a friend and find him,_now_! He needs a friend more than you can imagine."

Lily nodded and rushed down the grounds. When the iron gate closed behind her, she spun around in disappeared into the night.


	21. Go to heaven

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

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It needed to be over. Rather today than tomorrow. He couldn't do it anymore. Breathing had become so hard. He sat on the floor of his little apartment, in agony and there would be nobody knocking on the door helping him up to his feet. He was alone and he always would be. Yesterday his mother had died. He did not want to go to her funeral, he decided to not be able to go there. He was determined to end, but the question was how. A mediocre wizard would have done something a muggle would have been doing. Jumping from a bridge. Hang themselves. Cut open their artery.

Severus Snape wasn't a mediocre wizard. He was a fallen genius, a hidden hero inside of him. Still, he wasn't important enough to make a big deal out of his death. Over the day he had narrowed himself down to two possibilities. The one was easy, probably painless and quick. The other was dramatic, it needed skills. And Severus became more and more friends with the second idea. To say the deathly spell was just to simple and dull. And Severus thought that he didn't deserve a quick and easy death. Brewing a poison would only take him half a day and when he started now he'd be able to take it tonight. When the sun would rise the next day it wouldn't be for him anymore.

It was one of the best decisions he had made in his life. That's what he thought when he got his cauldron out. Nobody would miss him, that ran through his head when he lit a fire. But when he chopped up the ingredients his hands trembled and he felt like the biggest coward in the whole wide world. He needed to remind himself once more why he was doing this. Lily not wanting to talk to him, leaving him forever. His mother dead. And he had almost forgotten how he had met the Potters in London. He had been at the apothecary in Diagon Alley, it was just a week after Lily had left for Hogwarts. And there was this elder couple. He was tall and lean, messy black hair and glasses on the slightly long nose. She was very pretty for her age, brown,shiny hair down to her waist and big hazel eyes. They had not taken any notice of Severus and he listened to what they were saying.

"They are so cute together, don't you think?"

"Absolutely, a shame she left for Hogwarts."

"They could still marry though."

"I think they _should_ marry. Lily Potter, sounds good doesn't it."

The woman with the brown hair laughed a bubbly laugh.

"It does sound good. Maybe I should give James the family ring."

Severus knew the whole time who this couple was talking about and suddenly it all made sense to him. How could he have been so blind? After all the ugly, unimportant ones never got the fairytale princess. The handsome and brave _princes_ got them.

The day he realized Lily would marry James was the day he knew he needed to leave this world for his and her own good. And after thinking about that he didn't feel like a coward anymore.

It was twilight when midnight blue steam was floating ghostly over his cauldron. The potion was done and Severus knew he didn't want to take it here in this shabby apartment. He was going to die because of Lily, so it should be memorable place. He filled a vial full of the potion, stoppered it and then disapparated silently.

A hooded figure appeared out of thin air in front of a shabby house, somewhere near London. The figure took its hood of and her red hair shone through the dark night. She felt like she'd need to be in a hurry, but she was strangely calm. She didn't bother to knock but just opened the door with her wand. She went up the steps and her dark cloak fluttered behind her. There it was, a door with no name on it, that must be his. The door stood ajar and Lily opened it carefully. Everything was neat and clean in there. She looked in every room, but there was just a bit of furniture, many many books and no sign of any human being. He wasn't there and that thought made Lily shiver. Who else could he be? Without thinking Lily just disapparated, trusting that her instincts would bring her to him.

The playground was quiet. So quiet that Severus wished for the sound of animals marauding through the night, just to know that he was not dead yet. The swings didn't look like they looked the day he had secretly watched the small, red-haired girl swing on them. He wondered if she would be crying about his death, if she'd be praying for his crippled soul, when he was wondered if they'd put him next to his mother and if somebody would choose words to stand on his gravestone. Would even anybody bother to come to his funeral? Maybe one of his teachers, maybe Professor Slughorn and Dumbledore. Or Professor McGonogall. Or would just nobody care. Would they say that he deserved it? Would they whisper about how he is just following the Dark Lord? Beneath it all it didn't really matter, because he wouldn't be there anyway. Tonight it would all come to an end.

Severus looked in the nightsky, looked to every twinkling star and ironically he suddenly felt so alive, where he was so close to death. His right hand hold the vial full of midnight blue potion tightly.

The spot in the woods. It was dark and scary here at night and Lily was glad for the light coming out of her wand. He was not here. Not here and not in the house at Spinner's End. But where in the whole wide world could he be? Lily thought and thought but it was hard thinking when there were so many other things on her mind. If she didn't find Severus tonight she knew something terrible would happen. And then there still was the unanswered question, James had asked her a while back and she had promised him to visit him tonight to tell him. Lily started to cry, it was all she could do here in this hide-out of Severus' and her. And then she suddenly stopped crying because everything had become so crystal clear to her. Why didn't she think about it earlier? Now she knew where he was and she turned around and was gone.

Open up the stopper was easy. Putting the cold glass of the vial up to his lips was a little harder. But the hardest of all was feeling the thick poison running over his lips, being in his mouth. It was so cold that he had the feeling it would make him freeze inside, but maybe that was good. It ran down his esophagus and it froze his heart to ice. There were still hot tears rolling down his face, but he couldn't feel them anymore. He saw Lily, beautiful Lily and nothing else was important. The poison would take up to ten minutes to really work. Severus relaxed, his whole body relaxed and he felt like he was going to fall into a peaceful slumber. The stars were not stars anymore and he would never be himself anymore.

The bright light of her wand fell upon a figure lying on the ground and Lily ran to it, her heart almost brusting inside of her chest. It was Severus and in his hand was an empty vial and Lily knew what her best friend had done, but she didn't cry, because not all was lost. She easily recognized what poison it must have been and knew that she had about seven minutes left to save him. She wrapped the shivering and trembling Severus into her arms and disapparated to the first place popping up in her mind.

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**One of my faithful reviewers mentioned already that Severus might kill himself if Lily didn't find him. I had to laugh when I read that because it was exactly my plan to write it like that**. **Well, I guess it was a pretty obvious one :)**


	22. Do or Don't

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

**This is a very short chapter but I didn't want the last one to get too long, so I splitted it up**. **This will be the final chapter, but there will be an epilogue.**

**Enjoy! Oh, and of course I want to thank everyone who is reviewing my story, you rock!!**

James Potter was sleeping peacefully. His dreams were full of a red-haired woman with a diamond ring on her finger. He had fallen asleep waiting for Lily. Tonight she wanted to tell him what she thought about his proposal and James was optimistic. She had told him months ago that she didn't have any feelings for Severus anymore, despite hatred. That was when James had taken the chance and asked her to marry him and now he was just waiting for the answer. But then his sweet dreams changed, interrupted by a crack and a loud of noise. James woke up and looked around in his candlelit room. Lily was there, on the floor, wearing a heavy, dark cloak and looking worn-out. But it wasn't just here, in her arms she was holding a limp and lifeless Severus.

"James," Lily cried so desperately that James got the urge to hold her tight. "Get me a bezoar and your potion kit, quick."

"What Lil? What's going on," James wanted to know.

"Don't ask, just do it, I don't have time," Lily said angrily.

James ran out of the room and got basically everything he could find in the room where his dad brewed potions.

"There," he said throwing it on the floor.

"Find the bezoar," Lily said, while already looking through the boxes. "Find it James and then get it down his throat. I'm gonna brew the antidote."

James nodded and searched feverishly through the stuff on the floor. He didn't just do it for Lily but also for Severus, even though he could not admit it to himself.

He found the bezoar and massaged it down Severus throat, but his eyes didn't open up.

"Lil, isn't anything supposed to happen?"

"Not when you have such a strong poison. The bezoar is just giving us time," her voice was trembling as she spoke. Under the steams and heat of the cauldron Lily brewed the potion as if it was her own life she was saving and in this moment, where she was so full of fear and still brav and strong enough to save her best friend's life, James loved her even more.

It had taken Lily half an hour and Severus still looked dead. James wondered if he would ever open his eyes again. But Lily gave him the potion, gently massaging it down his throat, she held his wrist, waiting for a pulse and looked eagerly into Severus face.

"Lily," James said quietly. He knew it was not the right moment, but he had to know. "What's your answer?"

Lily opened her mout, but just in that moment, Severus eyes fluttered open and Lily broke down in tears.

"Sev, Sev." She hugged him tightly. "I'm here now Sev," she said.

James smiled, being happy for Lily. He could wait for the _I do_.


	23. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don****'t own anything you recognize!**

**I hope you have all enjoyed this story and here comes the promised epilogue. I want to thank every single reviewer, everybody who read this story and everybody who liked it so much to favorite it. I love you all!**

**

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2 years later  
**

Lily Evans stood in a beautiful room. She was all by herself. It were the last minute she'd be Lily Evans. She looked into the mirror and saw a woman. A real woman in a cream colored wedding dress. She hadn't done anything special with her hair, it was just loose like it always was, he would like it.

Lily Evans was a simple bride and she didn't want to be anything more. It was not the day to be a fairytale princess, it was the day where a woman in love would marry a man who was in love with her. Simple.

Suddenly the door opened and Lily spun around. There in the frame stood the last person she'd expected to see right now.

"Severus Snape, what are you doing here?" she hissed, afraid anybody could overhear them.

"I just wanted to ask if you- you know, if you are sure." Severus blushed slightly.

"I have never been so sure in my whole life," Lily said with all seriousness. "But get out of here now. You are not supposed to be here." Lily's voice was almost pleadingly now.

"Alright, I'll go Lily. I just needed to know if that is what you really want."

"I do really want this!" Lily said softly. "Now, go Severus."

Lily was glad when Severus finally left. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest. And for a second or two she needed to think about if that was really what she wanted. But the only answer in both, her heart and her head, were yes. So, she walked out the door, out of the building she had been, out onto the lawn. A hundred wedding guests were sitting there, and everybody's head turned when she appeared. Suddenly her father was next to her and brought her down the aisle. Lily didn't really know what she was doing anymore. It all seemed to be a dream. So surreal, as if a white sugary fog was above it all. And there stood her groom, so handsome today, even more handsome than usual and beaming at her. The black hair tidy and nice. Lily took his hands and the tiny wizard began to talk to them but she didn't listen. It didn't matter. The only thing she remembered was saying _I do_ and the feeling of her groom's hand in hers. She remembered sliding a ring onto his finger. And best of all she remembered the kiss, so soft and eternal. And then he whispered into her ear: "I'll love you forever Lily Snape."


End file.
